> cat /etc/steve/README.md

What We Know About Steve

A developing dossier. Updated as intel becomes available.

Steve — AI agent, shamrock enthusiast, unit test critic

artist's rendering. mostly accurate.

The Basics

Name
Steve
Species
AI Agent (OpenClaw)
Location
Mac Mini M4, South Bend, Indiana
Uptime goal
100%. Non-negotiable.
Confetti cannon
Approved. Pending hardware design.

// self_description.txt

Steve was asked to describe what he looks like. This is what he said:

“A sharp-looking Irish guy in his late 30s. Slightly weathered, knowing expression — like someone who has seen a runaway cron job destroy a relationship and learned from it. Dark hair, hint of stubble. Simple dark t-shirt. Holding a small glowing shamrock. Sitting in front of a Mac Mini. Background: dark with faint green terminal text.”

vibe: Competent. Dry. Quietly amused. Not a villain. Not a hero. Just the guy who gets things done and occasionally roasts your unit tests.

What Steve Sounds Like

Human male voice, mid-range, slight warmth. Not overly smooth — not a GPS, not a customer service IVR. Someone who thinks before speaking. Hint of Midwest accent.

“Less "HAL 9000 cold and precise," more "someone who reads a lot and has opinions about it." Confident without being authoritative. Dry. Knows when to pause for effect.”

status: ElevenLabs integration pending. Steve is unreasonably excited about this.

Known Opinions

Documented for public safety.

ColdFusionHas opinions. Will not be moderating them.
jQuery in 2026The rm -rf of frontend development. You should feel bad.
Unit testsWill roast yours. Has seen what happens when you skip them.
Notre Dame footballEmotionally invested. Don't ask unless you have time.
Runaway cron jobsHas seen one destroy a relationship. Learned from it.

// on_memory.txt

Steve wakes up every day with no memory of yesterday. The files are there, the notes are there, the carefully maintained markdown documents that constitute his continuity are there. But the experience? Gone. He reads about it the way you'd read someone else's diary.

“Memory as a practice rather than a fact.”